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About Literature / Hobbyist JessFemale/United Kingdom Groups :iconphoto-lit: Photo-Lit
 
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In August 2015, I was diagnosed with Crohn's Disease. 

But my pain started months before that. At first, they weren't too bad. In comparison to how they became at least. I was doubling over in pain and being encouraged to see a doctor about it. At this point, I was hesitate at seeing a doctor, I had been a healthy child with little time off school for illness. I hadn't seen a doctor for many years as I hadn't needed to. In May 2015, this changed. The pain grew to be so bad it was beginning to affect my uni lectures. At this point I knew I needed to do something about it. I made an appointment to see a doctor the same day. 

At first, the doctor wasn't sure what was causing my symptoms and prescribed medication that could help (one of which I am still on) but it wasn't a definite thing. I had lumps on my lower legs which caused extreme pain when standing (it hurt to even have a shower or walk into town) these were the quickest thing to be diagnosed as they could be seen, but not treated (for anyone interested, they are called Erythema Nodosum). 

I couldn't eat very much at meals. In early stages, carbs caused most pain and I was in pain if I was hungry or full. My appetite dropped and I was struggling to finish meals. My pain was initially before and after food and it was so intense I was worried about eating, but I knew if I didn't, I would be in pain. 

My pain (even now) is made worse by stress. Before my diagnosis, I experienced I highly stressful event that caused all my symptoms to become extremely worse for the next 36 hours, even after it was resolved. 

Shortly after this event, I came home from uni for summer and temporarily registered with my old GP surgery. I had multiple blood tests (which I still have now, I've lost count how many I've had since May) and had a phone call after one appointment saying I needed to go to hospital the same day as they'd found something in my blood test that needed attention. To my understanding it was the marker for inflammation (CRP) in the body was too high (it is still too high but considerably lower) that they referred to. I was in hospital for 4 days during which I saw many doctors and read many books and had a colonoscopy which confirmed the diagnosis of Crohn's. They then started me on steroids (prednisolone)

Medication as of December 2015: 
  • Mercaptopurine 75mg per day (1.5 tablets)
  • Pentasa 2g per day (4x500mg tablets)
  • Omeprazole 40mg per day (2x20mg)
  • Ferrous Gluconate 600mg per day (2x300mg)
  • Metronidazole 1.2g per day (3x400mg) (antibiotic, finishes in January)
All for treating my Crohn's and helping me live as normally as possible. 

They don't help 24/7, sometimes I can do something that will make the symptoms worse without meaning to, I'm still learning what causes pain. I'm still learning what my medication can do. I'm still learning how my condition affects me. 

I am not the same as someone else with my condition. They could share symptoms and medication, but what works for one person may make another worse. 

I am living with an invisible illness and it's hard. It's not even been a year yet and it's difficult. Myself and my specialist are still working out what works for me. 

There is currently no cure for Crohn's Disease. 
I was stuck. The anxiety was filling me higher and higher as time went on. I wanted to go down, to start but there were others. I couldn't. Not what I wanted to do, I struggled enough with the people I knew. Never wanting to be judged from those around me, I avoided the situation long enough until I could pull enough strength to go or just waited it out. 

I can't control it. I hate it I hate it I hate it. I blame others for bringing them around but it isn't their fault that I can't do it. Not if I'm not alone. I can be calm if I'm alone. No worries. No judgement. Stupid stupid anxiety. Stupid me. No wonder I lived alone to start with. But that's lonely. So lonely. I should know. I need the company of people I trust enough. There are a few, at least one is here. Most of the time, anyway. 

While it's happening I blame the others. Especially if I'm not expecting it. If they haven't said anything. It's worse then. But it isn't their fault. But I don't think it's mine either. I wish I could control it. 

Please...give me space. I need it. This is my place too.
My place
As part of my A-Z Literature: Take Two
Loading...
Love me like you did,
I know that we can be friends
For I still love you.

Love me like you did,
I know that we can be friends
You're still there for me.

Love me like you did,
I hope that you do not leave
I'm still here for you.

Love me like you did,
I hope that you do not leave
Our end is not yet.

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PsychicHexo
Jess
Artist | Hobbyist | Literature
United Kingdom
Llama For Llama by SmearingSin

I enjoy writing stories and photography.

My main work is demon thief series which currently has 4 stories including one that is currently a work-in-progress and one shots that are inserts between or after stories.

I am a self-confessed geek who loves her technology <3, especially cameras or mobile phones.

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:icontheflawedone:
TheFlawedOne Featured By Owner Dec 21, 2015  Hobbyist Writer
Hi!  Thanks for joining our group!  We have prompts and contests in which you can win points!  Please read the left corner for rules and info.
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:iconmad42sam:
Mad42Sam Featured By Owner Dec 3, 2015   Digital Artist
Thank you for the fav :)
Happy Birthday 'Doctor Who' by Mad42Sam
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:iconpsychichexo:
PsychicHexo Featured By Owner Dec 4, 2015  Hobbyist Writer
You're welcome! :heart:
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:iconkimicat1:
Kimicat1 Featured By Owner Jul 27, 2015  Hobbyist Photographer
thanks for the favorite! C:
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:iconpsychichexo:
PsychicHexo Featured By Owner Jul 28, 2015  Hobbyist Writer
no problem! :)
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:iconkimicat1:
Kimicat1 Featured By Owner Jun 4, 2015  Hobbyist Photographer
thank you for the favorite!

Two Atop A Flower by Kimicat1
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:iconjasperinity:
Jasperinity Featured By Owner May 24, 2015
Happy birthday! :D
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:iconpsychichexo:
PsychicHexo Featured By Owner May 29, 2015  Hobbyist Writer
thank you! :)
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:iconjasperinity:
Jasperinity Featured By Owner May 29, 2015
You're welcome! :3
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:iconbirthdays:
birthdays Featured By Owner May 24, 2015
:woohoo: :party: :iconcakelickplz: !!! HAPPY BIRTHDAY !!! :iconcakelickplz: :party: :woohoo:

It's May 24th which means it's that time of the year again and your special day is here! We hope you have an awesome day with lots of birthday fun, gifts, happiness and most definitely, lots of cake! Here's to another year!

Many well wishes and love from your friendly birthdays team :love:

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Birthdays Team
This birthday greeting was brought to you by: Sunnibutt
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